Are students the obstacles?

Teaching is almost an impossible art post-COVID. Between testing, new district health policies, new leadership teams, new subject matter or grade level team members, new curriculum, and/or changing almost every year...it feels impossible and like a sinking ship whose anchor is dragging it down at reckless speeds. How are educators supposed to handle all the changes and stress with the grace and compassion we have come to expect from them?

Seems unfair right?

Seriously, they need a break. A long one. And then, they need less expectations. I don’t know how anyone could survive under this pressure.

I taught, but I also chose to leave being in the classroom full-time.

To get to the point of writing though, school staff all over the U.S are under incredible duress,

BUT

that does not excuse ignoring the students when they speak or they try to explain a situation which only leads to shutting them down permanently in further negotiations…I mean communication.

When adults jump to conclusions and decide we already know the intent or action behind a kid's behavior, we can cause catastrophic consequences for them at school or at home. As educators, when we don't take the time to listen, even when we think we know the answer, we are effectively telling students they don’t matter.

Giving a student instructions, feedback and discipline must be done with patience, compassion and kindness. Students are being accused of not listening or that they are the problem. That their "deficiencies" from the pandemic shut down are their problem to solve.

This is not God’s way, for them or for us. Recalling the simple directive Paul gave the Galatians, “22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.” (NIV). This truth is not just for children, it is for us as well to model these attributes so that then they may learn from our example.

I know educators are busy and have impossible expectations to teach pages of standards by law and offer 5,000 different personalized services, as well as document every bit of information they teach and test, but our attitudes towards children must always come down to the child existing as a whole feeling person. Right now, from my vantage point, some of these kids are being treated like data points, inconveniences, and road blocks (circa 2021).

[Please understand, I don’t get to see the good stuff very much. I’m bogged down in sessions with anxiety, stress, depression, and social behavior problems. I KNOW there is good happening. This post is not for that though at the moment.]

Students often get sent to me when they are in an emotionally high state of distress. After digging into the situation, an often easy and simple solution could have been used to avoid the whole thing. An adult actively listening is usually all that is required. Students don't necessarily need us to solve their problem or offer sage wisdom, they just need someone to hear them out.

Proverbs 18:3 warns us of speaking without listening first. Take a look at the different translations.

KJ21 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

AMP He who answers before he hears [the facts]— It is folly and shame to him.

CSB The one who gives an answer before he listens— this is foolishness and disgrace for him.

CEB Those who answer before they listen are foolish and disgraceful.

CJB To answer someone before hearing him out is both stupid and embarrassing.

TLB What a shame—yes, how stupid!—to decide before knowing the facts!

MSG Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.

NCV Anyone who answers without listening is foolish and confused.

Regardless of how we feel as adults, when we allow our expectations and emotions to elevate and become the problem in response to student behavior, we have lost control and are now the most imminent problem needing to be solved. We become fools, disgraceful, stupid, embarrassing, rude, and confused. The situation becomes angered, impossible, and overwhelming. Worse yet, the student does not get the opportunity to see a real life model of Jesus.

They see and learn that when there is a problem, to get rid of the source.

This is a huge problem.

When we assign blame and consequences that are not warranted or overstated, not only are they in a negative situation at school, but we now need to involve their grown-ups at home. I can bet that whatever that child says when they try to advocate for themselves at home, likely won’t fly at home because, “why would the school lie to us?”

One student for example was blamed for playing video games on their school laptop. The student tried to advocate for themselves, their peers also attempted to stand up for them to no avail. A call home to the parent was placed and that parent believed the teacher. The student went home, showed the parent that there was no history of gaming sites but they were not convinced. I also checked, but I believe them. Why? Because I listened, took in character information from other adults that know them... and checked the computer. She was telling the truth. I tried to call home but it made no difference in her punishment. She was still grounded and missing out on some holiday events she was really looking forward to attending.

Sometimes the consequences students receive are harmful to their bodies physically or emotionally, they can be harmful to the family unit. School is supposed to be a place where they feel loved, seen and heard even if their home or family situation is less than ideal or hostile. This is the place where they're supposed to be welcomed and celebrated for who they are for at least six hours a day.

We keep asking them to believe us, take our advice, listen, rise up to our expectations.

Yet, too many teachers and staff see the kids we serve as obstacles, as problems.

Too many don't seek out information to help us understand kids with trauma.

Too many don't seek out training on effective relationship building.

Too many don’t know Jesus themselves.

We know how we should behave.

We have the playbook at our fingertips.

We know our current reality doesn't match how we envisioned teaching when we signed up for the degree.

Yet, we behave like this with them on a daily basis.

We keep asking how to get the kids to trust us and talk to us? This is why.

I wouldn’t trust us either.

Want to change the trajectory of your classroom relationships? Let’s chat!